She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
