im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
