I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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