I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Operation Purity has been aborted
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
