Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i drank out of a bidet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
