see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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