And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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