i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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