Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
