I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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