The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
