You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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