Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
