he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize