3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
