while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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