Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
