Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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