Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nutella sex= disaster
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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