just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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