you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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