Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
