Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
