so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
