I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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