Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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