we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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