All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
