can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
