you have to choose: penises or morals?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
