That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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