this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
