fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
