The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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