Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
