i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
