So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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