well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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