I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
