i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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