Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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