from now on my penis is your penis
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
