Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
