I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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