Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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