i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
