Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
