Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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