Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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