You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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