If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
