I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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