i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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