you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
