I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
try to milk me bitch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
