Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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