I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
