If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
