We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
