All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
