dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
