You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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