Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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