If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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